my life....dull....

as time passes every minutes....i feel suffer....i hate that....how i hope i could just go back to my childhood....why i would have that feeling that i'm now scared to back home...thats the place where i desperately hope to go back whenever i'm outside...

but now but to day..

it seems to have a different feelings...i dont know why...a place that i love and care so much but i am having the kind of weird feeling now..i dont hope to...everyday thats the same problem sucks here....everyone seems to be living in their own world and doing their own stuffs....

no one care!!

no one....

its just like a hotel over here...we are just like STRANGERS...once we are just so close and happy just like in the fairy tales..dont know when it started to changed...

you are changing...he is changing...am i changing also??

i keep on telling myself that i love all of you,i dont mind to sacrifice i dont mind to care i dont mind to text you guys although i will not get a reply...

its all because i LOVE...I CARE..I MIND...

you will never understand my feeling that i am pretending to be happy to be ok in front of everyone...i will just hide myself and cry in the middle of the night cry in the toilet....

i dont know what i can do in this moment...only thing i know is to cry....i feel down i feel sad...

i dont know who to talk to...to my brother,i dont know whats important to you...once i heard that you are so care and love of me thats your only sister,i feel happy that moment...but lately i feel that we are so far apart....you know what i will just be happy like shit when i get your reply or your call thats one in a century you will did that or when you have things to ask with me...what the hell!!for others thats just a text just a normal thing in life...

i have that shit feeling because i love you so much...i care...but now you will only spend your time with your love one and friends but none of us...its this a normal situation for those brothers in world??its only kilometers gapping between us now i'm scared to imagine when you graduate and work next time how would the situation be....may be we will only meet in the festive days...dont know how long we have sit together for a meal...just hope that everything everything will be fine will be fine 1 day...all this makes me to have a promise or vow to myself that

i will never get married will never have children although i love kids very much..

i just want to live alone..

i want piece....